The Ghoul Hotel, a spooky level zero funnel for 2-6 players and their 12-15 characters.

    This is a Level 0 Funnel about being the main course at a hotel for ravenous and wealthy ghouls. At this point, it's almost seeming like romantic fantasy. The intent (or really, blank hope) is that each dangerous situation herein has a violent solution, a social solution, and a clever solution. I think they all have at least two of the three. Also, it turned out sillier and video-gamier than I wanted, but I genuinely like it and it still has some of that survival-horror bite that the OSR blogosphere loves so much. 

1 Food Closet

    Each character wakes up with a splitting headache, in a brown sack. The room smells terrible. Once out of the sacks (don't make anyone roll, they can get out of the sacks), There are various pantry/kitchen items, such as a broom, apples, onions, pots, pans, and knives. Hopefully your players are smart enough to get daggers and helmets out of these. Door to 2 Ghoul Kitchen

2 Ghoul Kitchen

    This is a large white room full of various kitchen things. At the moment, it contains the ghoul chef, ghoul sous chef, and 1d6 ghoul cooks (HD 1, Knife 1d6). If the players make a ruckus in 1, Food Closet, there is a 3 in 6 chance the ghoul chef will send a cook to investigate. if the players dilly dally in 1, Food Closet for over an hour, the ghouls will come collect them for the stew. the players being awake will catch them by surprise, however, as the ghouls assumed human blood injections worked as a sedative for everyone. Doors to 3 Dining Hall, 1 Closet, 4 Bar. 

3 Dining Hall

    This room consists mostly of a long wooden table with bowls, spoons, and forks all along it. There is 1 Ghoul Butler (HD 2) and 3d6 Ghoul Nobles (HD 1, CHA 12) milling about and mingling. These are not all the ghouls, just the more impatient ones. Some will be gaunt skeletons with grey skin, others bloated atrocities, others just regular looking people with some dried blood on their lips. The Sommelier will approach the players nervously with a very obvious gap in the tray where a bottle should be and ask the players what wine they want to drink. If asked, the Sommelier will tell them they lost a bottle. The bottle is in 6, Royal Suite. If the players get it back, the sommelier will give them a few magical ice cubes that never melt, a free glass of wine, and a red herring. The ghouls in here are unusually gullible, and will be convinced that the players are cooks or ghouls themselves as long as the players are confident and immediate in their assertion or wearing disguises. Otherwise, they will try to ring the alarm bell alerting the ghouls in 7 Guard Room, and will attempt to restrain the characters. Doors open into 5 Lodgings, 6 Royal Suite, and 4 Bar. Locked door to 7 Guard Room. 

4 Bar

    This is a small room much wider than it is tall or deep, consisting mostly of a large table and large shelf. There is a skeleton named Benson Bones. Benson is polishing glasses, stocking ice, etc. The players can order booze from him if they can give him valuables or gossip. His memory is as poor as his business sense so it doesn't take much. He will tell them that if they can get him "Gossip good enough to sell more drinks" he will give them the extravagant bottle of whiskey on the counter behind him. 

The players can tell there is a large box behind him, but their eyes seem to pierce it, like trying to examine jello by poking it with a toothpick. Anyone who has had at least 4 drinks can make out that the box is in fact a large tentacled squid, which the player can speak to and look like a crazy person. The squid is extremely malevolent, but can't move or lie. It has been in this bar for decades, and will answer any question asked of it. Make sure players slowly make out more of it as they drink, or else it's impossible to figure out what the deal is. Connects to 3 Dining Hall and 2 Ghoul Kitchen. 

   

5 Lodgings

This is a series of empty and occupied rooms. Every turn the players spend investigating, roll 1d8. Cross off the result, reroll if you roll something crossed out.

1. This room appears to contain no visible living things, only signs of a struggle and some blood. If searched, you will find someone cowering in the closet with a hammer next to a wealthily dressed body with a smashed in head. They will claim to be another escaped human (50% of actually being a very creative ghoul)

2. Two ghouls in here are sipping blood from goblets and talking about the declining quality of human livestock. One of them is secretly planning to kill the other. This killing will happen after 1 minute if they are not interrupted. 

3. Someone is changing the bedsheets in the room and another is mopping the floors. Both look horrified and distant. If disturbed, 50% chance they lash out and slap you, 50% they start muttering "intestines, intestines" over and over. They finish their jobs after 10 minutes.

4: A ghoul is sleeping and drunk in the bed of this room. They can easily be killed, and looting their corpse reveals an ornate pistol and 1d4 bullets. 

5: A small ghoul party is happening, with large amount of alcohol and odd appetizers and delicacies made from little bits of humans (candied teeth, fried ears, tongue salad). 1d3 musicians are playing in the background. The players can mingle, but every minute there is a 10% someone realizes they are humans and starts trying to eat them. 

6: A ghoul is lying on its back, idly dissecting itself with a knife and tongs. each organ has a 4-in-6 chance of being discernibly human, is otherwise strange and alien. If the players consume one of the strange organs, or get  someone else to consume, roll on your favorite potions table, rerolling definitely good results the first time (weights in favor of bad without actually removing any options). 

7: Door to 9 Lobby

8: Door to 10 Weird seance. 

6 Royal Suite

       While it seems the ghouls here are all rich clientele, this room is clearly much larger and fancier than all the ones in normal lodgings. It has an ornate bed draped in gold lace (worth 300). A bottle of fancy wine lays empty on it's side next to two stained glasses. A ghoul sits on the bed, soaked to the elbows in blood. They look despairing. If they notice the players, the will scream at them to get out immediately. This ghoul is Actom Gedney (HD 3, Claws 1d4).  If they walk past (and they can, Actom is too despairing to actually stop them) They can enter the bathroom of the suite, and find another ghoul, lying in a pool of blood with it's intestines spooled out on the ground. This is Sandon Gedney, The spouse, roomate, and despair source of Actom Gedney. If pressed, Actom will reveal they killed Sandon because Sandon claimed to have found a way to cure ghoulism, and wanted to force Actom to drink it. This vial can be found on Sandon's corpse, and if drunk functions as a Potion of Inside Out. 

7 Guard Room

    Right now, there are 2d4 Guards (HD 2, AC chain, Spear 1d6) sitting around telling jokes and jeering. The rest (10 in total) are milling about in 9 Lobby. Keys to 8 Armory on each guard's belt. Door leads to 8 Armory. 

8 Armory

    This is a small, cramped steel room. It contains 2d6 daggers, 1d6 spears, 1d4 swords, a longbow, 12 arrows, and a small bomb. 

9 Lobby

    This is a large rectangular room with window views to the outside. It has however many guards are not in Guard room, a concierge, and 1d6 ghoul nobles checking in. The noble in the front is furiously arguing about how they don't need a reservation, and everyone else is very tired. There are several large paintings in this room, including one of a small wealthy looking boy with an apple, and one of an army entering a castle through a secret entrance. If the players look behind the painting of the secret entrance, they find a large sack of gold and a sharpened human bone. The bone functions as a sword, and can be used to destroy necromancy spells by cutting through them. This requires a successful Charisma roll. Pulling a painting off a wall and stealing the stuff behind it is illegal, so expect the guards to attack if they have nothing better to do. Doors lead to 5 Lodgings, 11 Coat hanging. 

10 Weird Seance

    This room contains Forchin Tehler pretending to be able to read palms and see ghosts. Another ghoul is criticizing their form and accuracy. 1d4+1 other ghouls sit, entranced. The room is sufficiently dark that the players will not be seen if the do not enter. On the table are various fake magical items (a crystal ball made of glass, an anointed human heart that's really just a pig's heart, etc). The criticizing ghoul is famed undead sorceress "Isabella nightenjaw". She has HD 2 and prepared Sticks To Snakes, Darkness, and Read Thoughts. She is not unreasonable, wants to eat some people and get more magic, and despises nonsense in all its forms. 

11 Coat Hanging

    A small room containing several coat racks with several coats on them. Looting the pockets nets 2d20 silver. A door leads to the outside. Inside is a ghoul bellhop (HD 3, STR: 15). The bellhop ghoul doesn't want the players to leave, as they could get a raise turning them in or a meal eating them. However, the bellhop does want "Something that attracts attention but that has no real value" and will let the players through if they give it to them. Default solution is the red herring from helping the sommelier, but anything can work if the players explain it well enough.

12 Outside

    A blast of fresh, cool air hits the players faces, and the warm sunlight follows. That horrid place of spooled intestines and bloodthirsty monsters is long gone. But the characters are far from their hometown, and have just learned of the gold that can be won with blood. Perhaps...

Perhaps someone has a dangerous job that needs doing? 

ok have fun you kids.